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Suddenly I Woke Up Into The Real World
by Ngakma Shardröl Du-nyam Wangmo, 19 June 2001.
Of course . . . I couldn't, really, but it felt like I'd been dozing with the very slightest velleity - and suddenly, I woke up into the real world
the real world has a different kind of light, it's brighter - of course - but
that's not all of it - it shimmers or vibrates or something
I can't think
of a word that has a quality of movement
or maybe it's not movement
maybe movement is too specific
maybe it's more like a clearing in the woods in the height of summer
there's this brightness of green and the hum of insects - and, just the sound of life itself
but it's more than a sound you can actually hear
there's something vibrational about it: like the air itself somehow shimmering above fire
it shimmers, or it bends
or maybe it's not just the air, but the whole experience
it's funny - I keep using the same words, but not getting it quite right
I am trying to describe the real world - but with insufficient experience, or inadequate vocabulary, or something
but that was the experience and it completely overwhelmed the previous experience which I can't even really remember
it made me so happy
that makes me happy too
I guess what's really going on is that we are like that all the time but I only intermittently perceive it
yes
I understand now, about 'ja'-lus being possible or not for the
Lama - depending on students and their view
I had an optimistic feeling yesterday
I had a long conversation too
it was all good.
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